I’ve had lots of wonderful friends / family checking on us. I thought I might check in here.
I’ve tried to be as transparent as possible only because I know our grief will help someone else who might be in a similar situation. It’s unusually comforting to know someone else truly understands the emptiness.
Overall we are moving forward. I won’t speak about everyone else in the family. One thing I’ve learned is we all grieve differently. There is no right or wrong way. You just have to give each other the grace to deal as best as they can. You may not always understand, but just keep loving them.
As for me, I’d like to tell you I’m doing great. I’m not. I’m sure this is fairly normal. Part of the process I suppose. I miss my little girl. We had such a long time to prepare for this, but I wasn’t prepared for the emptiness I would feel in the days afterwards. Maybe it’s motherly instinct, but I feel like she should be here. I literally look for her at times. The fact that she’s not here is surreal. My arms are restless because I should be holding her. I read a quote that summed up how I feel. “I could have a 1000 kids, but one will always be missing.”
The kids and JD have been wonderful. They give me space to cry. JD is right there holding me when I have what I’ve started referring to as “moments”. Addie talks about her sister daily. All day in fact. I actually love it.
The tangible items I have of Nora’s are my most coveted possessions. Her dress, pictures, the castings of her hands and feet.
I know people go through terrible things daily and they survive. I know we will too. Finding my new normal will just take time. Until then I’m taking one day at a time. Occasionally one hour or minute at a time.
There has been such an outpouring of love. Calls, cards, food, gift cards, donations in Nora’s name to the Trisomy 18 foundation. You guys have and continue to love us BIG. Thank you! ❤️
- Listen Now
- Listen Now
This is a song I wrote for a family who lost their newborn son. He was stillborn. Below is the story of how this song came to be, but I want to say that for me, it was an incredible honour to be asked to write it. I can't fully express with words what an emotional journey it has been, but I do know that it is one of the most significant songs of my entire songwriting career.
*UPDATE: Wow. What an incredible response. To all of the parents of angel babies, this song is for you. I will be donating half of the proceeds of Winter Bear to charities or organisations that support families who have lost a child or research into SIDS/stillbirth.
You can buy or stream the song at any of these places: http://hyperurl.co/mu2k4p
In late 2016, I sang at a couple's wedding. It was one of the most beautiful weddings, simply because I could feel the love in the room - between the couple, their friends, their families. Sometimes there is just magic. The glowing bride was also pregnant. In December of that year, I received a message from the father of the groom (who is the one who originally found me and asked me to sing at the wedding), to let me know that their child, his grandson, was stillborn. Also to let me know that my own music was providing a comforting soundtrack during this difficult and heartbreaking time.
As a huge lover of music, he told me that he wanted to write a song for his Grandson, to give to his son and daughter in law, to capture the love they all felt for this child and to honour his memory. He asked me if I could help him write this song. With a heavy heart, I of course said yes.
Over the next few months, the Grandpa sent me pages of thoughts, poetry, words and feelings. I was inspired by those words. I also drew inspiration from my own friends who have lost children, whether that be from SIDS, stillbirth, or even later in life in other tragic circumstances. Anyway, we really wrote this song together.
It was then produced and recorded in Holland, with my long time friend and collaborator Jack van de Ven. The musicians who performed on my previous album worked their magic and made the song what it is. I recorded my vocals in Australia, so it was very much an international project. The Grandpa also asked Jack and I to perform and record a second song, Here For You, written by a close family friend, Anneke Roobol, which is also part of this release.
The songs were then packaged together into a Winterbear CD that the Grandpa gave to his son and daughter in law. As you can imagine, it was quite overwhelming for them. They were and are extremely touched and grateful for the incredible gift he gave. When I was last in Holland, I performed the song live for the family in an intimate house concert. It was, by a long shot, the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but also the most beautiful and moving moment I have ever had the honour to be apart of. They told me that they listen to Winterbear every day and that it brings them peace and comfort. cocktail gowns for summer
The song was only meant to be for them, but as time went on, it became bigger than that and we decided to film this video and release the song into the world. We all hope that it will touch other people who have lost their children. That it might bring a small amount of hope or peace in the face of this kind of loss.
I'm really proud of myself and of the entire team behind this project. For me, music was always about human connection. The ability to touch people, to bring them together through joy, love, heartache, forgiveness or pain. Music is the language we all understand and I feel very lucky to have it as such a huge part of my life.
Thank you to this family who let my music into their hearts.
Produced by Jack Van de Ven , Coby Grant and "Grandpa"
Recorded at Sci Sonic in Melbourne, Real Music Room in Rotterdam and Audioworkx in Hoogeloon.
Jack van de Ven - Piano
Marco Dirne - Bass
Clemens Blacquière - Guitars
Lean Robbemont - Drums
Paul van de Geijn
Mixed by Huub Reijnders
Mastered by Frans Hendriks
Artwork by Marianne Lock
Filmed at The Aviary Studios in Abbotsford
Filmed by Delsinki and Cameron Dale
Edited by Delsinki
Featuring ASTON Microphones (@astonmics)
Colour Grading by Peter Pilley
Starring Anthony Murray on drums and Fraser Montgomery on bass.
Makeup by Charni Auwardt (@charni_auwardtmakeup)
Hair by Carly Patterson (@maidenstkilda)